When It's More Than A Crush
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Why Dating Is Harder When You Have An Anxious Attachment Style And What You Can do About It
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Is dating feeling like a rollercoaster of emotions and constant anxiety rather than about the fun of meeting new people? Do you go on dates, get really excited about the person you just met, only to be filled with doubt, preoccupied about getting a call back or if you will be rejected? Do you constantly wonder how you can keep someone’s interest or think about ways that you can change yourself to make yourself more attractive to someone to get their full attention? If so you most likely have an Anxious Attachment style.
Read MoreYour Brain On Limerence
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Limerence can quietly and then not so quietly unseat you at your heart, your soul, until you have found yourself in mid-air, like a skier learning to do new tricks, but then unsure of which way is up, or down. It can be exhilarating. Terrifying. Mind-bending, confusing, transformative. It can last for months or years. You might be searching for why it’s happening to you, how long it will last, or how to get rid of it!
Read MorePainful Love: When Loving Means Longing
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Love just out of reach. Hoping, wishing for more. Hanging on.
The pain of basic relationship needs not met.
Maybe you’ve never been in a relationship where you felt truly fulfilled or loved. Or drawn over and over to the just out of reach partner. The pain of longing can create a sort of intensity. A bittersweet passion. It can also make love without longing feel bland or missing “something.”
Have you ever felt this way? Maybe you didn’t do the chasing, you were pursued without ambiguity and it just felt off. Boring. No SPARK?
Maybe the more attractive option was the quiet, stormy, brooding guy just out of range who would barely even give you the time of day?
Are You Anxious In Love?
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You have a tendency to be anxious in love and dating; you worry a lot about your relationship, feel constantly anxious if the person you are with feels the same way. There is a deep concern that you will be rejected and you worry you will do something “wrong” to turn your date or partner off or make them disconnect or leave, and you may feel on edge all of the time and hypervigilant to any changes in your partner’s engagement or level of interest. And if you are with someone AVOIDANT, all of these feelings will get MAGNIFIED.
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